[Recorded May 2012. I still haven’t heard it, though.]
1 INT. PUB. DAY
NARRATOR: On Earth, Isaac Newton’s law of gravity dictates that falling objects accelerate at a speed of approximately nine point eight metres per second per second. This means that, after one second, a falling object will be traveling at a speed of nine point eight metres per second. After two seconds it will be traveling at nineteen point six metres per second. After three seconds twenty nine point four metres per second, and so on. This applies equally to all objects, irrespective of their weight. So, under the right conditions, a grand piano will fall at exactly the same speed as a packet of frozen peas. Gravity, like destiny, is unavoidable. The actual chances of being in the path of a falling grand piano are, of course, quite rare. Nevertheless, when it eventually happened to Martin Elliot one sunny February morning, he wasn’t entirely surprised. By then he’d already begun to realize that life can be a ridiculously dangerous business at the best of times.
F/X: Fade up sound of a horse race commentary, and background FX of a local pub
RACE COMMENTATOR: …and Hale Bopp from Martelli from Einstein’s boy, Einstein’s boy now… and Fractal lad making a late surge into the final furlong, Fractal Lad, Einstein’s boy from Fractal Lad…
PUNTERS: Come on! Come on! Go on Lad! Etc
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