The Mind-Expanding Properties of Carpet Glue

by ob

In June, Donna and I had set out on a program of solvent abuse. In the woods behind our houses there was an inch-deep, oily stream, leftover from when all this used to be countryside. The stream ran into a concrete overflow tunnel. Inside the tunnel, hidden by branches and shopping trolleys, me and Donna experimented with the mind-expanding properties of carpet glue, WD40, nail polish remover, Scotchgard, butane gas and lighter fluid.

We discovered that floor cleaner was a great anaesthetic; that paint fumes produced hours of sticky hallucinations; that crushing ten aspirins into a bottle of cider and drinking the thick mixture through a straw was just as good as champagne. Not that we’d ever tasted champagne.

One day Donna stole a handful of her mother’s sleeping pills and we took five each, washed down with cough medicine. We took all our clothes off and climbed inside a sleeping bag together and waited to see if we’d die.

“That’d give them all something to talk about,” said Donna, wrapping her arms around me.

We slept for twelve hours and woke up covered in each other’s shit and vomit.

Nobody had missed us at home.

[From ‘The Bradford Goliath’]